> Ciao, Earplayers – do not be alarmed! My name is Betty Byline, and I’m here for one simple reason: to keep you informed about the top-secret inner workings of Earplay, Inc, when nobody else will. It is my mission to bring the first-class, need-to-know intel of the Earplay world straight to your ears every Friday. Those programmers and genius creative types, they’re notorious for playing sly and tight-lipped with the press. But I, I am a professional. I am stubborn, I am tireless, and I will go where no reporter has gone before.

> Last week, that meant crouching behind a coffee shop dumpster in New York, dodging half-eaten bagel crusts and fighting off hordes of mangy pigeons. But it was all worth it, ladies and gentlemen, and boy, do I have a big scoop to bring to you. By triangulating my classified-model transceiver with the internal broadband signals on the public airwaves, I’ve found a way to transmit news casts directly through the Earplay library interface – even without direct access to their servers!

> You can tune in to my first broadcast right now on iOS, Amazon Alexa, or Google Assistant – wherever you can talk to Earplay – via the news section of the main menu. And don’t forget to come back this Friday for an brand new batch of hot mic news, fresh from the press! (Unlike these bagels… although they do make a decently comfy chair, in a pinch.)

> That’s all for now, listeners. Betty Byline, your humble story-chaser, signing off – until next week.